It's Good To Be Alive.

In Hollywood, There Is Another Name For A Woman's 40th Birthday Party, It's A Retirement Party.

A-rod Wants To Be Like Babe Ruth. And People Don't Realize This, He's A Lot Like Babe Ruth. Before The Playoffs A Couple Of Years Ago, A-rod Went To The Hospital And Promised A Dying Kid He'd Ground Out To Second For Him.

I Snorted Heroin Once By Accident. It Was Amazing. But Kids, Don't Snort Heroin. It's Too Good.

I Got Into Comedy So I Could Stay Out All Night.

I Have Been In A Lot Of Movies, But None Of Them Are Critics' Darlings, You Might Say.