In School I Was Pretty Quiet. Kinda

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.

You Know You're Lazy When You Run Out Of Toilet Paper And Use The Cardboard Roll To Wipe With.

I Don't Hate Anyone. I Simply Block Them Out Using Hellish Visions In A Blind White Rage. But If I See Them Out I'm Pleasant.

I Work With A Lot Of Kids. Every Year, For The Past Fifteen Years, I Work At Comedy Camp Where I Work With A Lot Of Kids.

I Love Singing Along To The Radio While I'm Riding In The Back Of A Squad Car.