I'm Liberace Without A Piano.

I Wish I Had The Nerve Not To Tip.

I Can't Even Get Three Weeks Off To Have Cosmetic Surgery.

I Have This Beautiful Antique Silver Wine Decanter That I Bought At An Auction. I Always Pour Wine From That.

When I Said I Didn't Have A Cent, I Didn't. I Used To Get Annoyed With People Who Said They Were Broke When They Had Five Dollars.

I Don't Understand Why People Don't Remember My Name.