I'm An Independent, But I Got To

Every Comedian Has A Moment In His Life When He Realizes He's A Little Bit Different From Everyone Else. It's Like Being The Only Guy In A Movie Who Sees The Ghost. The Ghost Talks To You And You Talk To Him. Then You Turn To Your Friend And Say, "hey. Do You See That Ghost? And He Says, What Ghost?"

Every Man Has To Settle Down Eventually. You Know Why You Gotta Settle Down Eventually? Because You Don't Want To Be The Old Guy In The Club. You Know What I'm Talking About. Every Club You Go Into, There's Always Some Old Guy. He Ain't Really Old, Just A Little Too Old To Be In The Club.

Emotional Affairs, Those Are The Only Real Affairs; Those Are The Real Ones.

You Won’t Be Able To Take Your Eyes Off The Next Four Presenters: Salma Hayek And Penelope Cruz.

I'm Old Enough To Remember When There Were No Black Quarterbacks - There Were No Blacks On Tv. I Hope My Son Or Daughter Doesn't Have To Be As Fixated On Race As I Am, Because He Or She Will Grow Up In Freer Times.