Guys Play Characters That Won't Grow Up

Stand-up Is The Only Career Like That Where Once You Get Really Big At It, People Kind Of Encourage You Not To Do It.

I Used To Have Horrible Cars That Would Always End Up Broken Down On The Highway. When I Tried To Flag Someone Down, Nobody Stopped. But If I Pushed My Own Car, Other Drivers Would Get Out And Push With Me. If You Want Help, Help Yourself - People Like To See That.

I Learned Pretty Quickly That It's Your Work Ethic That Levels The Playing Field. Education Helps, But I've Met Failures Who Have Ph.d.s. I Believe The Hardest Worker Is Always Going To Win.

You Just Got To Be Really Logical When You're A Comedian - To A Fault. Like A Lawyer's Got To Believe In The Law.

Women Can Have All The Evidence But They Still Want The Confession.