If They'd Wanted A Nice Parrot, They

I Always Felt Bad For Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa Lived A Whole Life Helping Starving Children And Dying Villages, But She Could Never Be Declared A Saint 'cause She Never Actually Performed A Miracle. And It Was Towards The End, She Was Desperate To Perform A Miracle, So She Would Go Up To Starving Children And Go, 'what's That Behind Your Ear? It's A Quarter!

I Always Wish The Hotels Were Like They Are In Movies And Tv Shows, Where If You're In Paris, Right Outside Your Window Is The Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, The Pyramids Are Right There. In The Movies, Every Hotel Has A Monument Right Outside Your Window. My Hotel Rooms Overlook The Garbage Dumpster In The Back Alley.

If You Have The Old Testament At Home, If You Flip The Corner Pages, You Can See Jesus Riding A Horse.

Every Time Something Pops In My Head, I Think Twice About It And I Do It Anyway.

The Joy Of The Roasts Is To Watch People Get Hurt And Offended, And Then Have To Laugh To Pretend They're A Good Sport.