I Was So Ugly That My Parents

Comedy Is Truth. We Should Not Apologize For It.

If You Don't Think That All Life Is Improvisation, Then You Haven't Been Paying Attention. Life Is What Happens To You While You're Making Other Plans.

I Was So Flat I Used To Put Xs On My Chest And Write, 'you Are Here.' I Wore Angora Sweaters Just So The Guys Would Have Something To Pet.

Grandchildren Can Be Annoying - How Many Times Can You Go: "and The Cow Goes Moo And The Pig Goes Oink"? It's Like Talking To A Supermodel.

There Are Many Self-help Books By Ph.d.s, But I Hold A Different Degree: An I.b.t.i.a.-i've Been Through It All. This Degree Comes Not On Parchment But Gauze, And It Entitles Me To Tell You That There Is A Way To Get Through Any Misfortune.