I Was Being Chased By A Giant

Are There Glass Shards In My Anus?!

Dear Semi Hot Girl Taking Photos On A Boat. It's Not Your Boat So Stop Acting Like You Own It. You Drive A Used Civic.

You Are The Director Of Your Own Life Story. Don't Cast Idiots Or People Will Walk Out During Your 2nd Act.

I Love Hecklers. They Remind You That You Are A Comedian.

I Can Always Get Better. A Lot Of My Ex-girlfriends Don't Think I'm Funny.