I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom

I Learned About Sex The Hard Way... From Books.

There's A Joke In Everything, The Trick Is Finding It. The Best Compliment A Joke Can Get Is What Huxley Said About Darwin's Theory Of Evolution - 'why Didn't I Think Of That?'

Now There's A Seven-day Waiting Period To Buy A Gun. Who Can Stay Mad That Long?

When I Was A Kid My Dad Would Say, "emo, Do You Believe In The Lord?" I'd Say, "yes!" He'd Say, "then Stand Up And Shout Hallelujah!" So I Would ... And I'd Fall Out Of The Roller Coaster.

Back In High School, My Buddies Tried To Put The Make On Anything That Moved. I Told Them, Why Limit Yourselves?