I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom

I Used To Think That The Brain Was The Most Wonderful Organ In My Body. Then I Realized Who Was Telling Me This.

I Was Walking Home One Night And A Guy Hammering On A Roof Called Me A Paranoid Little Weirdo. In Morse Code.

I'm Not A Republican... But I Am Saving Up To Be One.

Christmas Seems To Start Earlier And Earlier Every Year. Like, This Time, It's On December 25th.

I Caught My Wife In Bed With My Best Friend The Other Day. I Was Crushed. They Could Have Waited Till I'd Got Out.