I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom

I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy With Black Fingernails. Now She Thinks I Slammed The Car Door On Her Hand On Purpose.

When I Was A Kid, My Goodness, Corporate America Was A Bunch Of Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Serious, And Now It's Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Funny.

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

A Computer Once Beat Me At Chess, But It Was No Match For Me At Kick Boxing.

I Grew Up In An Era When Strange Adults Would Grab Me On The Street And Say: 'don't Do That.' You Never See That These Days. 'hi, We Took The Liberty Of Spanking Your Son.' Oh Thanks, My Hand Was Getting Worn.