I Had A Very Close Relationship With

One Man's Pet-stained Carpet Is Another Man's Twister Game.

I Think My Ex-girlfriend Has Weekly Lessons With The Devil On How To Be More Evil. I Don't Know What She Charges Him.

I Was Sick Of People Making Fun Of My Hair And So I Cut It Off And I've Got Much More Attention Than Ever Before. It Was Like When Mona Lisa Was Stolen From The Louvre In 1906 - Three Times More People Came To See Where It Used To Be.

I Used To Think That The Brain Was The Most Wonderful Organ In My Body. Then I Realized Who Was Telling Me This.

You Know, A Lot Of Girls Go Out With Me Just To Further Their Careers...damn Anthropologists.