My Jokes Are In My Head And

I'm Totally Normal In Every Respect, But I Have This One Quirk - I Can't Give Out A Number Without Laughing. It's A Problem When I'm Giving My Credit Card Number Over The Phone Because They Always Think: 'he Must Have Just Stolen It.'

I Never Cheated On My Wife. I Took Seriously Those Vows Of Celibacy.

People Always Ask Me, 'where Were You When Kennedy Was Shot?' Well, I Don't Have An Alibi.

I Was Walking Down The Street. Something Caught My Eye, And Dragged It Fifteen Feet.

Now There's A Seven-day Waiting Period To Buy A Gun. Who Can Stay Mad That Long?