I Tolerate Lactose Like I Tolerate People.

Sometimes You Have To Rely On Sex And Bodily Functions.

It Began To Dawn On Me That Perhaps My Country Needed Me More At Home Than Overseas.

I'd Much Rather Be On Stage Talking To A Couple Of Retards For Twenty Bucks Than Sitting At My Desk Thinking Up Jokes For...well Let's Say A Few Dollars More.

Give A Guy A Girlfriend And A Great Job, He Doesn’t Need Therapy.

My Life Has Changed. I'm Not Walking Around Any More Wishing I Wasn't Me, Which Was The Case At One Time.