I Never Drink Water... Fish F**k In

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

The Income Tax Was Devised To Give Lawyers And Certified Public Accountants Business. Few Persons Can Make Head, Tail, Or Middle Out Of It. Einstein Admitted He Couldn't.

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

Drown In A Cold Vat Of Whiskey? Death, Where Is Thy Sting?

If I Had To Live My Life Over, I'd Live Over A Saloon.