The First Thing Any Comedian Does On

Never Cry Over Spilt Milk, Because It May Have Been Poisoned.

If I Had My Life To Live Over Again, I'd Live Over A Saloon.

The World Is Getting To Be Such A Dangerous Place, A Man Is Lucky To Get Out Of It Alive.

A Man Without A Woman Is Like A Neck Without A Pain.

I Once Donated A Pint Of My Finest Red Corpuscles To The Great American Red Cross And The Doctor Opined My Blood Was Very Helpful; Contained So Much Alcohol They Could Use It To Sterilize Their Instruments.