I Learned About Sex The Hard Way...

I Caught My Wife In Bed With Another Man And I Was Crushed. So I Said, "get Off Of Me, You Two!"

I've Always Had A Special Place In My Heart For Old Women Digging Through Garbage Bins. They Saved My Life So Many Times As A Baby.

Lord Please Break The Laws Of The Universe For My Convenience. Amen.

I Think It's Good To Know More Than The Average Guy. If I'm In A Bar Now And Some Pretty Girl Is Talking To Some Handsome 24-year-old Man, I'll Say, "okay, Who's The Emperor After Caligula? What Chief Mistake Did Marcus Aurelius Make In Choosing A Successor?" He'll Just Look Like An Idiot. She'll Just Gravitate Toward Me, I'm Thinking. It Works In Detroit.

Girls Throw Their Panties On The Stage, But Rarely If Ever Do They Fit.