I Learned About Sex The Hard Way...

I Never Cheated On My Wife. I Took Seriously Those Vows Of Celibacy.

I Was At The Wal-mart, Which Is Where I Think Everybody Goes Eventually. If They Die Without Christ.

I Think Of People As Members Of An Audience. But An Audience Acts Independently Of Every Individual. It's An Organism On Its Own. I Focus On That Living Hydra In The Dark.

Some Comedians Change Their Style, Often To Their Advantage; But I See No Reason Why I Can't Continue With The "urbane Sophisticate" 'til The Day I Die.

People Come Up To Me And Say, 'emo, Do People Really Come Up To You?'