I'll Do Anything For My Wife, It's

He Taught Me Never To Smile, Which Helps Me When I Visit Disaster Sites.

They Call Me Good Time Emo. Because I Love A Good Time! And My Name Is Emo.

I Used To Think I Knew Everything, But Older You Get The More You See Other Areas. If You Could Read Everything About Both Sides, You'll Pretty Much Be In The Middle Again, Which Is The State You Had When You Were Totally Ignorant. So My Theory Is If You Maintain Total Ignorance - Which Isn't Easy, But I Try - You'll Be Just As Far Ahead As If You'd Spent Days And Days Reading About The Whole Issue. And You Have That Much Extra Time To Play Pac-man.

I Go To Pick Up A Girl In A Bar. I Say Will You Go Home With Me? She Says I Don't Know, Do You Have Cable? I Say No, But The Rope Should Work Just Fine.

When I Was A Kid, My Goodness, Corporate America Was A Bunch Of Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Serious, And Now It's Stolid White Guys In Gray Suits Trying To Be Funny.