I Have Good Looking Kids. Thank Goodness

Last Halloween A Kid Tried To Rip My Face Off. He Thought It Was A Mask. Now It's Different When I Open The Door The Kids Hand Me Candy.

I Tell Ya, Gambling Never Agreed With Me. Last Week I Went To The Track And They Shot My Horse With The Opening Gun.

Well With Girls I Don't Get No Respect. I Had A Blind Date. I Waited Two Hours On The Corner. A Girl Walked By. I Said Are You Louise? She Said, Are You Rodney? I Said, Yeah. She Said, I'm Not Louise.

I Tell Ya, I Was An Ugly Kid. I Was So Ugly That My Dad Kept The Kid's Picture That Came With The Wallet He Bought.

I Can't Figure Women Out. They Put On Makeup For Three Hours. They Wear Things That Make Them Smaller. Things That Make Them Bigger. Then They Meet A Man And They Want Truth.