I Go Running When I Have To.

I Took An Acting Class. After The First Day, The Teacher Quit, So They Said Take Another. When I Saw 'how To Be A Stand-up Comedian,' It Resonated. I Realized I'd Rather Make 200 People Laugh Than Make One Person Cry.

The Only Way To Really Have Safe Sex Is To Abstain. From Drinking.

I've Been On So Many Blind Dates, I Should Get A Free Dog.

I Found Out Why Cats Drink Out Of The Toilet. My Mother Told Me It's Because The Water Is Cold In There. And I'm Like: How Did My Mother Know That?

I Think There Have Always Been Funny Women, From Carol Burnett To Joan Rivers. When The Audience Sees A Woman, They Innately Know She's Worked Twice As Hard To Get There, She's Had To Prove That She Can Be The Leader, First, And Then Be Funny On Top Of It. She Has To Emit A Confidence That She's In Control.