I Give Money To Unicef Because I

Don't Wear Fur! Did You Know, A Single Fur Coat Takes Fifteen Trees, Just For The Protest Signs?

I Asked The Head Musician If I Could Go Onstage During The Next Break And He Said Sure. I Got Two Laughs In Twenty Minutes, And Walked Out Feeling More Elated Than I Had Ever Felt In My Entire Life. The Glory Of That Triumph Contented Me For Two Full Years.

The Nicest Present I Ever Got Was An Exploding Suppository.

If You're Worth Over $50m You Should Have To Dress Like That Guy On The Monopoly Box. The Super-rich Shouldn't Get All The Benefits Of Looking Like A Regular Guy.

A Mormon Told Me That They Don't Drink Coffee. I Said, "a Cup Of Coffee Every Day Gives You Wonderful Benefits." He Said, "like What?" I Said, "well, It Keeps You From Being Mormon ..."