I've Been Wrestling With Reality For Most

I Saw A Psychologist Once Because I Thought I Had Depression. It Cost Me $100. When I Left, I Realised That There's Nothing He Could Have Said That Would Cheer Me Up As Much As If I Found A $100 Bill On My Way Home.

I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom Said When I Was Born They Threw Away The Mold. Some Of It Grew Back.

Now There's A Seven-day Waiting Period To Buy A Gun. Who Can Stay Mad That Long?

The American Government Is Making Nuclear Weapons Like There's No Tomorrow.

I Picked Up A Hitch Hiker. You've Got To When You Hit Them.