I Found There Was Only One Way

I Tell Ya, I Know The Best Way To Get Girls. I Hang Out At Women's Prisons, And Wait For Parolees.

In The School I Went To, They Asked A Kid To Prove The Law Of Gravity And He Threw The Teacher Out Of The Window.

I Went To A Freak Show And They Let Me In For Nothing.

My Doctor Told Me To Watch My Drinking. Now I Drink In Front Of A Mirror.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.