She Was Old Too, When She Went

My Life Is Nothing But Pressure. All Pressure. This Pressure Is Like A Heaviness. It's Always On Top Of Me, This Heaviness. It's Always There Since I'm A Kid. Other People Wake Up In The Morning, 'a New Day! Ah, Up And At 'em!' I Wake Up, The Heaviness Is Waiting For Me Nice. Sometimes I Even Talk To It. I Say [adopts Cheerful Voice] 'hi, Heaviness!' And The Heaviness Looks Back At Me, [in An Ominous Growl] 'today You're Gonna Get It Good. You'll Be Drinking Early Today.'

I Asked My Wife If She Would Put Out The Garbage. She Said Why Should I You Never Put Out For Me.

I Went To A Massage Parlor, It Was Self Service.

I Don't Get No Respect

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.