Housework Can't Kill You, But Why Take

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.

I Met My Husband When A Friend Sent Him Over To My House To Cure My Hiccoughs.

I'm Eighteen Years Behind In My Ironing.

[when To Have A Facelift:] If You're Tripping Over Your Neck.

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.