I'm Eighteen Years Behind In My Ironing.

My Husband Is So Useless That It's Hard For Me To Be Romantic With Him. I Get Down On The Floor And Say, If You Love Me, Blink Your Eyes.

This Man I Was Going With Asked Me For My Finger Measurements. I Thought He Was Going To Buy Me A Ring For Christmas, But He Gave Me A Bowling Ball.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!

I Got My First Laugh When My Mother Entered Me In A Baby Contest.

When He Proposed He Said, "we'll Make Such Beautiful Music Together," But In This Duet, His Part Seems To Be All Rests.