Every Relationship Is Just So Tenuous And

Until I Started Doing Standup, There Were Some Very Bleak Days.

I Couldn't Be Happier That President Bush Has Stood Up For Having Served In The National Guard, Because I Can Finally Put An End To All Those Who Questioned My Motives For Enlisting In The Army Reserve At The Height Of The Vietnam War.

No, I Am A Crier And If People Ever Saw Me Privately They Would Be Shocked At What A Bowl Of Mush I Am Underneath It All.

If You Tell The Truth About How You're Feeling, It Becomes Funny.

Sometimes You Have To Rely On Sex And Bodily Functions.