Comedy Is Tragedy Plus Time.

Adolescence Is Just One Big Walking Pimple.

I'm Glad I Was Born When I Was. My Time Was The Golden Age Of Variety. If I Were Starting Out Again Now, Maybe Things Would Happen For Me, But It Certainly Would Not Be On A Variety Show With 28 Musicians, 12 Dancers, Two Major Guest Stars, 50 Costumes A Week By Bob Mackie - The Networks Just Wouldn't Spend The Money Today.

Daddy, When He Drank, Just Became Sweeter. There Wasn't A Mean Thought In His Body. I've Always Said He Was Like A Drunk Jimmy Stewart.

I Don't Remember A Time When I Wasn't Waiting For A Scab Either To Grow Or To Fall Off My Knee.

Words, Once They Are Printed, Have A Life Of Their Own.