Burt Reynolds Once Asked Me Out. I

My Mother-in-law Buys Her Coats In A Carper Shop. She Wears A 9x12.

Fang And I Are Always Fighting. When We Get Up In The Morning, We Don't Kiss; We Touch Gloves.

My Mother-in-law Must Be The Probation Officer I Got For The Crime I Committed Of Marrying My Husband.

To Get A Roaster Clean, Send Something Like Baked Apples In It To A Neighbor. Neighbors Always Return Pans Spotless, And You Won't Have To Use A Blow Torch On It Like You Usually Do.

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.