You Know You're Old When Someone Compliments

Isn't My Fur Stole Pitiful? How Unsuccessful Can A Girl Look? People Think I'm Wearing Anchovies. The Worst Of It Is, I Trapped These Under My Own Sink.

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

Whatever You May Look Like, Marry A Man Your Own Age - As Your Beauty Fades, So Will His Eyesight.

Get Married With The Feeling It Is Going To Last. Not Like The Bride I Know Who Doubled The Wedding Cake Recipe And Froze One.

He Has So Many Muscles He Has To Make An Appointment To Move His Fingers.