A Friend Of Mine Gave Me A

I'm Not Catholic, But I Gave Up Picking My Belly Button For Lint.

I Started Doing Stand-up At The Age Of 20. This Was Back In 1976, Around The Time (coincidence?) That The First Comedy Clubs Were Starting. The Young Comedians Of Today Gasp When I Tell Them How Many Shows I Did That First Year: 500. Five Nights A Week.

Now There's A Seven-day Waiting Period To Buy A Gun. Who Can Stay Mad That Long?

Interviewers Always Used To Ask Me About My Pageboy Haircut, And It Drove Me Nuts: It Almost Made Me Suspect That There Was Something Strange About It. So I Cut Off My Pageboy.

I Was At A Bar Nursing A Beer. My Nipple Was Getting Quite Soggy.