Even The Worst Comic Is At Least

I Got A Letter From The Irs. Apparently I Owe Them $800. So I Sent Them A Letter Back. I Said, If You'll Remember, I Fastened My Return With A Paper Clip, Which According To Your Very Own Latest Government Pentagon Spending Figures Will More Than Make Up For The Difference.

I Think Fur Looks Better On An Animal Than On A Human Being. So I Dress My Dog In A Mink Teddy.

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

I Started Doing Stand-up At The Age Of 20. This Was Back In 1976, Around The Time (coincidence?) That The First Comedy Clubs Were Starting. The Young Comedians Of Today Gasp When I Tell Them How Many Shows I Did That First Year: 500. Five Nights A Week.

At My Lemonade Stand I Used To Give The First Glass Away Free And Charge Five Dollars For The Second Glass. The Refill Contained The Antidote.