You Know You're Getting Fat When You

Now That The Court Has Declared Money To Be Speech, I Say We Replace The Current Court With Some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, A Couple Of Susan B. Anthony's, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, A Sacajawea Or Two, And An Abe Lincoln To Cover Scalia In Full.

Incredibly, Almost Every Hotel I Ever Played In Vegas Was Blown Up Shortly Afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - All Were Imploded.

Have You Noticed That If You Leave The Laundry In The Hamper Long Enough, It's Ready To Wear Again?

Horse Racing Is Waning In Popularity.

I Wasn't Funny As A Kid. I Remember Enjoying Comedians, But I Never Understood It Was A Job Choice Or A Profession.