You Know You're Getting Fat When You

When Women Are Depressed, They Eat Or Go Shopping.

I Know What Men Want. Men Want To Be Really, Really Close To Someone Who Will Leave Them Alone.

I Personally Cannot Tell You How Many Times We Rescuers Put Our Names On Animals To Come To Us As Soon As They Are Eligible For Release, Only To Find They Have Been Senselessly Killed By Overzealous Pound Workers.

When I Played The Sahara Hotel In Las Vegas On New Year's Eve, I Got To Bring Wiley, My 85-pound Black Lab. He's Responsible For My Favorite New Year's Memory Of All: At The End Of The Show, He Ran Onstage And Then Out Across All The Tables In The Showroom, Sending Champagne Glasses And Gamblers Flying.

I Think About Death. I Don't Want To Die With Clothes In The Cleaners.