Why Would Anybody Want A Friend?

[i Like To] Engage With Funny People, Or Weird People, Or, You Know, Kind Of Off People. [whereas When I Meet] Anybody Who's ... Normal ... I'm Not Curious, I'm Not Interested.

You Know You're Getting Old When You Get That One Candle On The Cake. It's Like, 'see If You Can Blow This Out.'

I'll Tell You What I Like About Chinese People: They're Hanging In There With The Chop Sticks, Aren't They? You Know They've Seen The Fork. They're Staying With The Sticks.

People Don't Think Of Their Office As A Workplace Anymore. They Think Of It As A Stationary Store With Danish. You Want To Get Your Pastry, Your Envelopes, Your Supplies, Your Toilet Paper, Six Cups Of Coffee, And You Go Home.

Your Blessing In Life Is When You Find The Torture You're Comfortable With.