When You Eat A Lot Of Spicy

I Was In The South Of France. I Saw A Brownie On A School Trip. She Was Holding Up A Book. It Said On The Front 'rough Guide'. I Thought: 'yeah' She's Not A Looker.

I Did A Gig In The U.s. Once For The Homeless. I Said 'it's Nice To See So Many Bums On Seats.'

I Think That Comedians, More Than Any Other Type Of Celebrity, Have To Keep Their Humour And Keep Their Feet On The Ground. If They Start Taking Themselves Too Seriously, They're Heading For A Fall.

After A Gig I Always Head Back To The Hotel, Remembering Granny's Words Of Wisdom. I Cancel The Late-night Pizza And Watch The Jonathan Ross Show Instead.

All Comedians Are A Bit Attention-seeking And I'm No Different. Anyone With The Audacity To Want To Be Listened To For An Hour And A Half Must Be.