Recently My Girlfriend Asked Me If I

I Saw A Charity Appeal In The Guardian The Other Day, And It Read "little Zuki Has To Walk 13 Miles A Day Just To Fetch Water". And I Couldn't Help Thinking, She Should Move.

Saying That You Don't Believe In Magic But Do Believe In God Is A Bit Like Saying You Don't Have Sex With Dogs, Except Labradors.

I Was Out With A Friend And He Came Over With A Pair Of Girls. I Said To Him "they're Like Buses." He Said "what? Because You Wait For Ages And Then Two Come Along At Once." I Said "no, They Are Like Buses!"

All Comedians Are A Bit Attention-seeking And I'm No Different. Anyone With The Audacity To Want To Be Listened To For An Hour And A Half Must Be.

Yes, I Have This Crazy Honk Of A Laugh.