You Never Want To Be The Grumpy

After A Gig I Always Head Back To The Hotel, Remembering Granny's Words Of Wisdom. I Cancel The Late-night Pizza And Watch The Jonathan Ross Show Instead.

I Think The Idea That Death Is Not The End, That Your Dog's Just Gone To Live On The Farm, Is Limiting. Thoughts Like That Prevent You From Making The Most Of The Time That You Have.

I Said To My Girlfriend, You Shouldn't Eat Before You Swim. She Said, "why Not"? I Said, You Look Fat.

I Think That Comedians, More Than Any Other Type Of Celebrity, Have To Keep Their Humour And Keep Their Feet On The Ground. If They Start Taking Themselves Too Seriously, They're Heading For A Fall.

More People Are Going Out To Comedy Shows Than They Were Before.