You Never Want To Be The Grumpy

Like Most Of The World's Population I'm Into Coffee, My Perfect Weekend Would Start With A Pint Of Coffee.

A Lady With A Clipboard Stopped Me In The Street The Other Day. She Said, 'can You Spare A Few Minutes For Cancer Research?' I Said, 'all Right, But We Won't Get Much Done.'

I Think They Got It Wrong With Saddam Hussein. They Thought He Had The A-bomb. Instead He Had A Bomb.

Once I Was Doing A Sponsored Walk. In The End I Managed To Raise So Much Money, I Could Afford A Taxi.

I Didn't Plan To Be The Rude Middle-class Comedian. You Write A Certain Type Of Joke That You Find Funny, And Mine Happen To Be Often Rude. Yes, It's Juvenile, But That's Me.