When I Was A Kid, I Slept

People Always Ask Me, 'where Were You When Kennedy Was Shot?' Well, I Don't Have An Alibi.

I Love Florida. I Love The Beach. I Love The Sound Of The Crashing Surfers Against The Rocks.

Writing Jokes For Others Is Like Having Babies For Someone Else. It's Sad. Like The Woman Who Gives Up Her Baby But Needs To Be Close So She Secretly Becomes The Maid In The Household.

At My Lemonade Stand I Used To Give The First Glass Away Free And Charge Five Dollars For The Second Glass. The Refill Contained The Antidote.

I Read That Nine Out Of 10 Women Fantasize About Having An Unknown Man Leap Through Their Bedroom Window At Night And Make Mad, Passionate Love To Them. Who Would Think With Those Odds, I Would Now Be Facing 150 Hours Of Community Service.