What A Childhood I Had. Once On

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.

A Hooker Once Told Me She Had A Headache.

I Was So Poor Growing Up...if I Wasn't A Boy...i'd Have Nothing To Play With.

His Breath Is So Bad Why Every Time He Smokes He Blows Onion Rings.

I Bought A Perfect Second Car... A Tow Truck.