Well, I Play Jews And Parrots. Parrots

A Lot Of People Who Claim They're Political Comedians Are Just Comedians Who Have Opinions. But They Stop Being Funny The Minute They Give Their Opinions.

In Real Life I'm A Tall, Blond Christian.

I Think Of Alan Thicke As Perry Como Without The Excitement.

The 'phoenix Sun' Did A List Of The Unsexiest Men In The World, And I Made It To Number One. I Beat Out Bin Laden. He's A Terrorist, Hasn't Bathed In Months. I Beat Him Out. To Me It Was A Great Honor.

I Can't Even Find Someone For A Platonic Relationship, Much Less The Kind Where Someone Wants To See Me Naked.