Trying To Get Today's Republicans To Accept

Ronald Reagan Basically Legalized Every Illegal Immigrant In This Country. I Just Like To Bring This Up Because Every Week I Like To Make Republican Heads Explode About How They Love Ronald Reagan, But Would Despise Everything He Did.

To Me, Being Brave Is An Element That Is So Important With Stand-up Comedy. It's Not Essential. There Are Many Comics Who Were Just Funny, And That's Fine, Too. But That's Never Been What I Was Trying To Do In Comedy. I Was Always Trying To Do Something That Involved Not Pandering To The Audience.

Osama Bin Laden Put Out A New Video. The Timing Of This Video Has Some People Upset, Three Days Before We Vote. It Looks Like He's Trying To Influence The Election. And I'll Tell You, It's Not Going To Work. Americans Know Osama Bin Laden Does Not Pick Our President. The Supreme Court Does.

New Rule: If An Evangelical Tries To Use Halloween To Pimp Jesus To Kids, They Get To Egg His House. On Halloween, The President Of The American Family Association Urged His Flock To Hand Out A Christian-based Comic Book Instead Of Candy. Excuse Me, Halloween Isn't A Time To Push Your Beliefs. You Don't See Me Handing Out Pot To Kids...okay, Well Not The Little Kids.

Many People Can't Deal With Unanswered Questions, Which Religion Exploits By Providing Answers, Even If They Are Just Made Up By Someone. This Is Also Why We Love Tv Shows And Movies That Neatly Wrap Up Everything In Exactly An Hour Or Two.