The Reason I Love My Dog So

A Cult Is A Cult, And That's What A Frat Is. A Place Where They Strip You Of Your Personality And Rebuild It In Their Image.

I Was Out At The Hbo Party, These Are Liberals, I Imagine, And A Lot Of People Came Up To Me And Said, "keep Giving It To The President."

There Are Only Three Ways A Congressman Goes Out: They Die In Office, They Cash In As A Lobbyist, Or They Mistakenly Tweet A Picture Of Their D*ck.

Americans Are Desperately, Here On The West Coast, Buying Up And Hoarding Iodine Pills... Isn't It Great That In A Land That Is Divided Between Conservative Morons And Liberal Pussies, Somehow We Have Managed To Find A Way To Pull Together And Behave Like Moronic Pussies?

I Wouldn't Touch A Hot Dog Unless You Put A Condom On It! You Realize That The Job Of A Hot Dog Is To Use Parts Of The Animal That The Chinese Can't Figure Out How To Make Into A Belt?