To A Newspaperman, A Human Being Is

Success Is Like Dealing With Your Kid Or Teaching Your Wife To Drive. Sooner Or Later You'll End Up In The Police Station.

Vaudeville Could Not Vouch For The Honesty, The Integrity, Or The Mentality Of The Individuals Who Collectively Made Up The Horde The Medium Embraced. All The Human Race Demands Of Its Members Is That They Be Born. That Is All Vaudeville Demanded. You Just Had To Be Born. You Could Be Ignorant And Be A Star. You Could Be A Moron And Be Wealthy. The Elements That Went To Make Up Vaudeville Were Combed From The Jungles, The Four Corners Of The World, The Intelligentsia And The Subnormal.

Television Is A Triumph Of Equipment Over People, And The Minds That Control It Are So Small That You Could Put Them In A Gnat's Navel With Room Left Over For Two Caraway Seeds And An Agent's Heart.

The World Is A Grindstone And Life Is Your Nose

He Dreamed He Was Eating Shredded Wheat And Woke Up To Find The Mattress Half Gone.