To A Newspaperman, A Human Being Is

All That The Comedian Has To Show For His Years Of Work And Aggravation Is The Echo Of Forgotten Laughter.

Condensed Milk Is Wonderful. I Don't See How They Can Get A Cow To Sit Down On Those Little Cans.

After Quitting Radio I Was Able To Live On The Money I Saved On Aspirins.

I'm A Little Hoarse Tonight. I've Been Living In Chicago For The Past Two Months, And You Know How It Is, Yelling For Help On The Way Home Every Night. Things Are So Tough In Chicago That At Easter Time, For Bunnies The Little Kids Use Porcupines.

Success Is Like Dealing With Your Kid Or Teaching Your Wife To Drive. Sooner Or Later You'll End Up In The Police Station.