This Book Was Written In Those Long

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

I'd Have Liked To Have Gone To Bed With Jean Harlow. She Was A Beautiful Broad. The Fellow Who Married Her Was Impotent And He Killed Himself. I Would Have Done The Same Thing.

I Don’t Have A Photograph, But You Can Have My Footprints. They’re Upstairs In My Socks.

I Was Married By A Judge. I Should Have Asked For A Jury.

Jail Is No Place For A Young Fellow. There's No Advancement.