There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood.

I Don't Want To Tell You How Much Insurance I Carry With The Prudential, But All I Can Say Is: When I Go, They Go Too.

I Was Born In Waukegan A Long, Long Time Ago. As A Matter Of Fact, Our Rabbi Was An Indian.

I Don't Deserve This Award, But I Have Arthritis And I Don't Deserve That Either.

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.

Any Man Who Would Walk Five Miles Through The Snow, Barefoot, Just To Return A Library Book So He Could Save Three Cents - That's My Kind Of Guy.