There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood.

I Began My Show Business Career Playing Violin In San Francisco At The Corner Of Market And Taylor. I Understand That There Is A Theater There Now.

When I Give Concerts, The Tickets Sell For Five Dollars To One Hundred Dollars, But For My Concerts The Five-dollar Seats Are Down In Front... The Further Back You Go, The More You Have To Pay. The Hundred Dollar Seats Are The Last Two Rows, And Those Tickets Go Like Hotcakes! In Fact, If You Pay Two Hundred Dollars You Don't Have To Come At All.

I Gambled At The Crap Table All Night And Finally Lost $8, But During That Time The House Gave Me Four Drinks And Two Cigars, So It Was Still A Lot Cheaper Than Renting A Room.

Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood. Everyone Else Is Mel Blanc.