There Is Not One Female Comic Who

I Caused My Husband's Heart Attack. In The Middle Of Lovemaking I Took The Paper Bag Off My Head. He Dropped The Polaroid And Keeled Over And So Did The Hooker. It Would Have Taken Me Half An Hour To Untie Myself And Call The Paramedics, But Fortunately The Great Dane Could Dial.

My Mother Could Make Anybody Feel Guilty - She Used To Get Letters Of Apology From People She Didn't Even Know.

Moving On Is A Gift You Give Yourself.

Your Anger Can Be 49 Percent And Your Comedy 51 Percent, And You're Okay. If The Anger Is 51 Percent, The Comedy Is Gone.

All Babies Look Like Renée Zellweger Pushed Against A Glass Window.