My Mother Could Make Anybody Feel Guilty

In Every Human Endeavor, Persistence Is Everything.

I Was So Flat I Used To Put Xs On My Chest And Write, 'you Are Here.' I Wore Angora Sweaters Just So The Guys Would Have Something To Pet.

[on Plastic Surgery:] My Motto Is: 'anything That Can Be Lifted Should Be Lifted. Anything That Falls Should Be Caught. And Try To Catch Any Falling Stuff Before It Hits The Ground.

Comedy Is A Very Rough Beat. It's No Holds Barred, As It Should Be.

Here's A Thanksgiving Tip. Generally, Your Turkey Is Not Cooked Enough If It Passes You The Cranberry Sauce.