Moving On Is A Gift You Give

We Don't Apologize For A Joke. We Are Comics. We Are Here To Make You Laugh. If You Don't Get It, Then Don't Watch Us.

I've Learned From Doing My Own Show With Fox That People Are Not Your Partners If They're Signing The Checks. Whoever Signs Your Paycheck Is The Boss - No Matter What They Tell You.

The Glass Is Always Half Empty. All Good Comedians Are Manic-depressive.

I Think I've Lost 3lbs - I'm Very, Very Happy. I Thought Of It As Work And A Spa.

Self-pity Shortens Your Life.