The Shape I'm In, I Could Donate

With Girls, I Don't Think Right. I Had A Date With One Girl, She Had Mirrors All Over Her Bedroom. She Told Me To Come Over And Bring A Bottle. I Got Windex.

I Don't Care How Rich And Successful A Man Is. He's Nothing Without An Education.

I Tell Ya, Gambling Never Agreed With Me. Last Week I Went To The Track And They Shot My Horse With The Opening Gun.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

If Every Man Was As True To His Country As He Was To His Wife, We'd Be In A Lot Of Trouble.