The Shape I'm In, I Could Donate

Life Is Just A Bowl Of Pits.

I Knew A Girl So Ugly, I Took Her To The Top Of The Empire State Building And Planes Started To Attack Her.

One Day As I Came Home Early, I Saw A Man Jogging Naked. I Said To The Guy, 'hey, Buddy, Why Are You Doing That?' He Said, 'because You Came Home Early.'

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

With My Old Man I Got No Respect. I Asked Him, "how Can I Get My Kite In The Air?" He Told Me To Run Off A Cliff.