I Was A Poster Child... For Birth

My Mother Had Morning Sickness After I Was Born.

I Met The Surgeon General - He Offered Me A Cigarette.

What A Kid I Got, I Told Him About The Birds And The Bee And He Told Me About The Butcher And My Wife.

I Told My Wife The Truth. I Told Her I Was Seeing A Psychiatrist. Then She Told Me The Truth: That She Was Seeing A Psychiatrist, Two Plumbers, And A Bartender.

A Homeless Guy Came Up To Me On The Street, Said He Hadn't Eaten In Four Days. I Told Him, "man, I Wish I Had Your Willpower.