The Reason Women Don't Play Football Is

If You Don't Have Wrinkles, You Haven't Laughed Enough.

It Took Me Three Weeks To Stuff The Turkey. I Stuffed It Through The Beak.

My Husband Is So Cheap. On Christmas Eve, He Fires One Shot And Tells The Kids Santa Committed Suicide.

Oh, That Dog! Ever Hear Of A German Shepherd That Bites Its Nails? Barks With A Lisp? You Say, "attack!" And He Has One. All He Does Is Piddle. He's Nothing But A Fur-covered Kidney That Barks.

I Spent Seven Hours In A Beauty Shop... And That Was For The Estimate.