Never Go To Bed Mad. Stay Up

In Most States You Can Get A Driver's License When You're Sixteen Years Old, Which Made A Lot Of Sense To Me When I Was Sixteen Years Old But Now Seems Insane.

Cleaning Your House While Your Kids Are Still Growing Up Is Like Shoveling The Walk Before It Stops Snowing.

Get Married With The Feeling It Is Going To Last. Not Like The Bride I Know Who Doubled The Wedding Cake Recipe And Froze One.

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

I Serve Dinner In Three Phases: Serve The Food, Clear The Table, Bury The Dead.